Not to sound like your parents, but a pet is a big responsibility. Even pets that are considered low-maintenance require some serious adjustments to your life, lest your backyard become an unsanctioned cemetery.
So, when certain pets come along that are suddenly a must-have fashion accessory, it’s important to remember that they’re not an ideal impulse buy. If you think a sweater you never wear makes you feel guilty, try one that can cry and lives for a decade or more. It’s especially bad when the pet in question isn’t easy to take care of.
‘Teacup’
Pigs
Pixabay
Teacup, micro, whatever your preferred nomenclature is, there is one fact that you must know above all else when considering buying one of these pigs: They’re not real. I understand that you’ve seen pictures. I’m not saying that they’re the work of Photoshop or A.I. It’s just that the “teacup” pig isn’t a real breed. Instead, they’re baby pigs that will very rapidly outgrow whatever stemware you decide to plop them in, into a full-grown potbellied pig.
They’re their own sort of adorable scam, where people are sold a tiny pig that they’re told will remain that way. A couple years later, however, it will weigh 650 pounds. Inconvenience and appetite aside, it’s also cruel because pigs need a large amount of space, the kind you don’t plan on having for a “teacup pig,” and they’re intensely social animals that should never live without other pigs.
Tibetan Mastiffs
You’d think that becoming a go-to trend would be a net positive for a species. Suddenly, they’re being scooped up and brought to lavish homes to serve as Instagram fodder, with all the free toys and high-quality food that comes with it. That success is short-lived, though, especially in the case of purebred dogs that are absolute units.
So when the Tibetan Mastiff suddenly became a status symbol in China, breeders started producing big numbers of the big fluffy beasts. Unfortunately, when the trend died down, and people realized that maybe they would prefer a dog that wasn’t 2 and a half feet tall and 150 pounds and didn’t eat $50 to $60 worth of food a day, they were literally and metaphorically kicked to the curb.
Hedgehogs
Pixabay
On their face, hedgehogs, an incredibly popular pet in the 1990s, don’t seem like they’d be much trouble — as long as you pet them in the right direction obviously. But did you know that they’re nocturnal? Because unless you’re a serious night owl yourself, you’ve likely adopted a pet with the opposite schedule as you.
That means it won’t want to cuddle while you’re awake, and when you’re trying to sleep? That’s prime digging and scratching hours, baby! Also, that’s when they’re most likely to go absolutely bananas on their loud exercise wheel, and in an inexplicable quirk of their evolution, they like to poop while they’re running. But don’t worry, you’ll have all morning to clean up their shit when they’re all tuckered out.
Red-Eared Slider Turtles
Pixabay
People who suddenly decide to adopt a cute little turtle, like many did thanks to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ popularity, seem to forget one thing: Turtles live a really long time. In fact, one of the most popular types for pet owners, the red-eared slider, can live up to 40 years. You’re just a five-year-old who likes turtles, and three decades later, you’re a middle-aged man hauling a terrarium between New York City apartments.
This leads to the second bit of the turtle nightmare: People abandoning them en masse, which isn’t great for the environment because they’re a highly invasive species.
Raccoons
Pixabay
It’s probably pretty unlikely that you know anyone with a pet raccoon — unless you lived in Japan during the heyday of a popular cartoon named Rascal the Raccoon. It gave the Japanese populace a hankering for a little ring-eyed critter of their own, and spurred a huge import of pet raccoons. If you’re familiar with raccoons, you can guess at how well that went. If you’re not, here’s a quick pro tip: Never adopt a pet with hands. No good can ever come of it.
