Editor’s note: The below recap contains spoilers for Agatha All Along Episode 2.
Step aside, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) — you may have assembled a team of the world’s greatest superheroes, but you’ve got nothing on Agatha Harkness (Kathryn Hahn), who’s here to assemble a coven of the world’s most dysfunctional witches. They have visions! They run Westview’s very own version of a Goop store! They work security for Hot Topic! And — as Victoria Justice once said — they all sing! Things start really coming together in this episode, with the world expanding for us to meet the others who will be walking the wild and wicked Witches’ Road, and I have to tell you, they feel highly promising. Between Lilia’s (Patti LuPone) financial issues, Jennifer’s (Sasheer Zamata) legal issues, and Alice’s (Ali Ahn) mommy issues, they’re a mess, and I can’t wait for them to get even messier.
Teen Convinces Agatha to Hit the Witches’ Road In ‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 2
Agatha is ready to get the hell out of Westview so the Salem Seven don’t finish what Rio (Aubrey Plaza) started, not even bothering to untie Teen (Joe Locke), who still has a duct-taped mouth, bound hands, and is probably freshly traumatized from watching Agatha and Rio beat each other senseless while shamelessly flirting. Teen, however, piques Agatha’s interest when he admits he’s a big fan of hers — especially her Salem era — and begs her to take him on the Witches’ Road so he can gain power. He’s studied magic, but he wants to do more. Agatha is adamant that the Road will kill a kid like him, but he retorts that it didn’t kill her when she walked it. Plus, he points out, the Salem Seven seem pretty scary. Can she really outrun them with no magic?
Agatha demands to know who the hell this kid is, but every time Teen tries to say his name, his mouth disappears, a strange symbol appearing over it. And when he tries to divulge any personal information about him and his past, she can’t hear him. As it stands, this makes it a little challenging to fully invest in Teen. While his fanboy nature is fun for sure — formally referring to Agatha as both Ms. Harkness and a “bad bitch” is hilarious and proves he clearly has the range in him — he reads a little one-note at a moment. But there’s a lot of potential there, and hopefully, we’ll see more shades as time goes on and we start solving the mystery of him.
Despite not knowing anything about this random child (or does she? It seems like maybe she might have a vague idea, but we can’t be sure), Agatha is sold on his pitch, especially after learning he’s the one who broke her out of the Scarlet Witch’s spell and looking at the hair in the brooch again. After she makes a little pit stop to spit at Wanda’s old house, they head to Teen’s car. On the way to their first destination — in between Teen declining calls from his boyfriend and Agatha throwing his personal belongings out the window — she gives him a crash course in covens: they’re the truest form of sisterhood, drawn together by fate. And the Covenstead Rule states that, within every three-mile radius, there will be enough witchy people to form a coven. “That’s beautiful,” Teen muses. Agatha does not agree.
Who Is Lilia Calderu In ‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 2?
The first witchy person on their list? Lilia Calderu, a divination witch who was chased out of every village she passed through for accurately predicting tragedy. She now makes a meager living as a psychic. An actress at heart, Agatha tests Lilia by pretending to be a Southern woman visiting with her son, casting Teen in the role of her son…Beauford? Weird choice, but okay. She goes full Tennessee Williams, asking where she can locate the gold bars her deceased husband buried in the backyard.
Lilia humors her before reading her to filth — she knows who Agatha is, and she knows her terrible reputation. Agatha beckons her to join her on the Witches’ Road so she can restock her power, and Lilia tells her she’s out of her mind. There’s no way she’s joining the coven of the single-most infamous witch on the planet, thank you very much, especially when she knows Agatha can steal her power. Agatha pulls her to the side — away from Teen, her new pet — and lets her in on a little secret: she can’t steal power unless the person she’s stealing from blasts her with it. So if Lilia shows some restraint, it’s hers to keep. Lilia is still uninterested, getting a vision of a Three of Pentacles and giving Agatha a list of names she can use to complete her coven so long as she leaves her alone. The problem? Her name happens to be on the list. And she keeps having debilitating visions. And she has an eviction notice on her door. Lilia is not having a good time, but LuPone makes sure we are.
Who Is Jennifer Kale In ‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 2?
Next up is Jennifer Kale, a high priestess who specializes in potions and has been magically bound for the past century. She’s showing customers one of her probiotic candles you can eat (I would like to try one, lowkey) when Agatha comes in yelling about jade eggs. Classic. Turns out Agatha also has beef with her. “I haven’t seen you since I made a really pointed effort never to run into you again,” Jennifer quips as soon as she lays eyes on her. She knows Agatha is desperate from the look of her hands — the absence of black marks makes it obvious she lost the Darkhold. Jennifer is also highly uninterested in her Witches’ Road proposal, stating she doesn’t care about that “dusty, warty, snaggle-toothed community.” She also asks if Teen is “another child sacrifice,” which, hm, seems like it could be important — especially after Agatha just told Lilia that babies are delicious. With her experience on SNL, it’s no surprise Zamata is one of the most comically gifted of the bunch, nailing every joke.
When Agatha’s enticing doesn’t work, Teen steps in with some impressive manipulation skills of his own. He gushes over Jennifer, saying he’s a huge fan of hers on Instagram. Also, he’s really sorry to hear about the serious legal trouble she’s found herself in for committing fraud and giving people superficial burns with her products. Witches historically don’t do too well in court, do they? Agatha seems to be rather impressed with his level of ruthless blackmail, and after shoplifting a jade egg, they’re on their way to chat with who Agatha claims is the last person on their list (she’s not the last person on their list — and Teen knows that — but Agatha quite literally eats the paper before he can see who is).
Who Is Alice Wu-Gulliver In ‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 2?
Alice Wu-Gulliver is a Blood Witch, meaning she’s the child of a witch — one who happens to be famous goddess of rock Lorna Wu, who wrote the most famous version of “The Ballad of the Witches’ Road” and was ironically lost to it, or so the legend says. Teen thinks this is just about the coolest thing ever, as his mom saw her on tour right before she died. It’s interesting that we and Agatha can hear this tidbit since we haven’t been able to hear any other personal information about Teen thus far. Something to note, perhaps?
Alice finds her past decidedly less cool. In fact, she doesn’t even believe the Witches’ Road is real. But she, too, is out of options. She’s an ex-cop who, after tackling Teen to the ground because Agatha tricks him into shoplifting this time, is fired from her mall security job. And there’s a little curiosity gleaming in her eye tempting her to agree when Agatha promises she can find out what really happened to her mom if she joins them. Alice has the least amount of material to work with thus far but perhaps the most intriguing background considering her familial ties to the Road. Hers is a mystery I’m particularly excited to solve.
The Salem Seven Are After Agatha in ‘Agatha All Along’ Episode 2
All the witches show up to the saddest party ever at Agatha’s house, complete with a ripped-down sign Teen has made and some stale granola bars he’s plated. But there is one thing missing: their Green Witch. Agatha tries hard to play this off, but the rest of the coven is adamant — earth magic is arguably the most important skill set to conquer the Road. Lilia says the last name on her list wasn’t a name at all but rather a black heart. (Remember the last episode when Rio said her heart was black and beat for Agatha? Mhm.) But instead of admitting to that, Agatha pretends this must stand for Mrs. Hart (Debra Jo Rupp) and invites the poor, clueless woman to a party as she’s working in her garden. Mrs. Hart patiently reminds Agatha her name is Sharon Davis but says she would absolutely love to attend her get-together. I fear Sharon may be toast.
The coven heads down to Agatha’s basement to attempt to conjure the Road by holding hands and singing the ballad. (Sharon swinging their hands and skipping excitedly while the rest of the witches get highly emotional over the song is peak comedy.) It…doesn’t go well, not opening when it’s supposed to. The show of sisterhood quickly dissipates, with them turning on one another for being the reason it’s not working. Agatha is the harshest of all, calling each of them the thing she knows will hurt the most: Lilia a coward, Jennifer a fraud, and Alice a disappointment. Lilia puts the pieces together and realizes Agatha has lured them down there as bait, trying to make them so unitedly angry they’ll manage to blast her with magic she can steal.
As they’re all fighting, two things happen: the door to the Witches’ Road finally opens, and Teen, who’s upstairs, gets dangerously close to being killed by the Salem Seven while protecting Señor Scratchy. Agatha has been seeing signs of them in their animal form all day: crows perched on a sign, a mouse scampering at the food court, a wolf in the street. He runs down to warn the coven, leaving them all with two options — face the Salem Seven or face the Witches’ Road. They all choose the latter, escaping down a staircase. Agatha shuts the door behind her, and the door disappears. It’s an exciting but chilling moment — a sense that there’s no turning back.
The Road itself is gorgeous. The cast has been gushing over the practical sets and effects, and it really shows on screen between the lit-up trees and vast woods ahead of them — the magic of television echoes the magic of these witches. Agatha and Teen share a genuine smile — there’s something mysterious and real there that’s sure to be tested, but for right now, they’ve done what they’ve set out to do. “I never doubted us for a second,” Agatha says, and I don’t doubt for a second this is just the beginning of one wild journey.
New episodes of Agatha All Along drop every Wednesday at 9 PM ET on Disney+.
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